Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
