Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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