I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Send help, water and tortillas.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
