I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just had sex on a roof
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
