WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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