Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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