my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize