thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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