she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
