Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
