Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
