One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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