i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
His nipple licking is glorious
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