So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
