Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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