I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
