Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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