I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
