I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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