This girl is more easily done than said...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
