i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
