How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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