To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
