At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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