You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
