Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
