Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
