so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
