This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
