Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
