you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
