i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
