They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize