Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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