if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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