Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
