You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
okay pat passed out under dana's car
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
