hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
