A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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