Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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