how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
