I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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