I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
