Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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