If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize