Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This is classic penis vs brain.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
