So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
