Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
