Porn is love you can see.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
