Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
