No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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