I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
