I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
