the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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