At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
