Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
3pm strippers are depressing
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
