I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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