So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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