I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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