he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
3 2 1 whiskey
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
