just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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