I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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