Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
