You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
