Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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