Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
