do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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